Family Day of Silence

My family recently completed a new experiment – a day of silence.

Why

I was curious about how much talking influences our being and family dynamic.

Constraints

• Full day with no speaking.
• “3 strikes” policy for accidental speaking.
• Bound to our home and neighborhood to avoid other people.

Outcome

• Ali stayed completely quiet.
• Gabrielle [only] broke her silence to communicate with an annoying stranger during our neighborhood hike / walk.
• Everest and Sepia made it until the afternoon, at which point I offered them the choice to continue in silence or start speaking sparingly. I didn’t want them to continue in silence just for dad. They chose to speak.

What I experienced…

I went into this experience with a general plan and low expectations. My plan included a basic agenda for the day to give us some guidance, which I hung in the dining room. This offered a little bit of structure so everyone didn’t wake up and wonder what to do with the time.

The day included a mix of meals, movement, free time, and limited device time.

• The meals were pleasant and fairly easy.
• The movement included an hour hike around our neighborhood and an afternoon walk to the park.
• Free time was used for reading, walking, hanging outside, etc.
• Our device time was structured with learning games for the kids and creative work for the adults.

The day was difficult for my family, especially the kiddos.

They quickly realized how hard it is to NOT speak. They’re wired to share their thoughts verbally, or just make random noises! However, they did a really great job with the challenge. Most kids cannot last 5 seconds without speaking… so the 3+ hours they went without saying a word was impressive.

Gabrielle handled it really well. She found periods of boredom, and missed talking at times, but she honored the challenge. I think we could go a full day together without speaking – and – still deepen our partnership. I think most couples would find this challenging, whereas I found it helpful. There is a lot we can communicate without words.

Overall, I am inspired by my family’s commitment and perseverance! This was not easy.

And… I believe humans simply talk to much.

We use A LOT of words to communicate, and most of our words tend to create more chaos, confusion and conflict than healthy communication. Families require communication, but we also tend to over-communicate.

Silence offers us a break from the constant communication. It filters the unnecessary noise and helps us focus on what truly matters.

For example:

1. My family got into zero arguments during our silence.
2. We only communicated things that were actually needed and important.
3. I found my thoughts and observations of my family to be more clear.

To build on my last point – I found myself way less critical and opinionated on my family’s actions. Normally, my ego can flare up when they say something that triggers me. Communicating without words completely eliminated that dynamic. I was able to see them with less judgement and criticism.

Seeing them more clearly helped me feel more connected to them. I think words and constant talking often creates more disconnect than true connection.

And most importantly, it was peaceful.

The modern lifestyle many of us experience lacks peace. It’s filled with so much noise and stimulus… which involves a lot of speaking. While speaking is helpful, I think it rarely facilitates peace.

Silence is a path to peace, and families need peace at times. That was easily the biggest gift for us all.

What next?

We debriefed the experience the next morning. We all shared some thoughts around what we experienced. We all agreed it was both hard – and – helpful. And, we agreed it would be a good practice every 3 months.

So stay tuned for v2 later this year!

---