Front Row Dads Retreat: Fight & Flow

I just returned from my 10th Front Row Dads VIP retreat. This is the story.

For quick context, I’ve been attending these retreats twice per year since 2019. You may be familiar with Front Row Dads if you’re familiar with me. I speak, write and share about this community often 🙂

Front Row Dad VIP retreats are special events. The simplest way I can describe them is this –

VIP retreats offer a powerful container for entrepreneurial fathers to connect, learn, love and grow.

That’s it. Let your imagination fill in the rest.

This retreat was a little different for me.

I came into this retreat with a few unique variables:

1. I missed the last two VIP retreats due to other family priorities and travel. So it’s been 18 months since I’ve seen my fellow VIP brothers at this type of event. I was excited to say the least.
2. However, since my last VIP retreat I’ve leaned in heavily to other areas of the community. I’ve been leading a new “adventure” event out here in Colorado with my buddy Chris. And I’ve been collaborating with the FRD team in new ways.
3. To that effect, I supported the design of day 3, helping Jon think about the activities and body of work. I had an insider perspective in knowing some of the intentions beyond my usual participant role.

All that said, I was still very much an active participant and recipient of everything that took place.

Let’s start with the theme.

Fight & Flow

This retreat had an intentional theme of fight and flow. My interpretation going into the event is how life is filled with constant fight and flow. Highs and lows. Resistance and acceptance. Light and dark cycles.

The theme would present itself in amazing ways throughout the event.

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Day 1

The first night kicked off with immediate connection. There were warm greetings and hugs with familiar faces. Then we created the “circle” that is known to cultivate amazing things. Imagine 40 extraordinary men sitting in a circle with the intention to listen, share and learn.

This circle is facilitated by the founder of Front Row Dads, Jon Vroman. I could write many words to describe the type of facilitator and man that Jon is. Instead, I will highlight three things:

1) Jon is a world class facilitator and guide.

He has a gift for helping humans realize amazing moments. Period. You simply have to experience him to really understand for yourself. I feel grateful to have witnessed this for 5 years now.

2) More importantly, to me, Jon is a humble and wise leader.

He leads his life, family and community from a place of curiosity and integrity. He shares the messy parts with intention to be vulnerable and find meaning. He knows there’s always something to learn.

3) Jon walks the path of being a Front Row Dad.

That means showing up for your family when the world wants you to show up for other things. That means experiencing all the love, pain, joy and suffering that comes with being a father. That means learning how to hold space for it all.

That’s why I deeply value Jon’s friendship. It’s why I choose to continue walking with him.

Back to Connection…

Our first group activity was an exercise around FEAR. We listed a major fear on a sheet of paper and paired up with men to “show” our fear. This involved no speaking or words, just eye contact. A few seconds to read the fear followed by one minute of eye gazing.

I was paired with 3 guys I know well and the eye connection to fear was powerful. In one man’s eyes I saw strength, in another man’s eyes I saw chaos, and in the 3rd man’s eyes I saw compassion.

This is the type of exercise you can expect at a FRD retreat. An exercise that pushes you outside your comfort zone, but also allows you to really see and feel something new.

Self Love

Later that evening Jon passed the mic to my good friend and brother, Mike Wagner, who guided us through his journey of self love. Mike is another exceptional father and human. He gave us examples of what he’s learned on his path of healing and ongoing self discovery.

Here are some key takeaways from his session:

• I must learn to love myself before I can truly love others.
• We’ll do everything to feel external love if we don’t feel internal love.
• In order to see others through the eyes of God, I must first see myself through the eyes of God.

Mike’s story is raw and inspiring. He’s living proof of someone who’s fought through the pain, and accepted the flow, to experience real self love.

After some group shares and reflection, we closed the session and headed off for dinner. I enjoyed a meal with 3 other men that poured into me with curiosity and empathy.

It was a great first night.

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Day 2

The next day started with something extraordinary. It relates to a special brother we recently lost – John Ruhlin. I did not know John well but his presence was known in Front Row Dads, and the world at large.

Perhaps you’ve experienced something “spiritual” in a church or religious environment? Something that made no intellectual sense… but filled the space with awe and disbelief?

That’s basically what happened. John’s spirit showed up in a supernatural way.

It was a gift to have him with us throughout the retreat.

Anger

Next we got to learn with another great brother, Mike Chu. Mike is a leader and coach to many in the world of business, health and wealth. However, he’s also very familiar with anger and it’s role as a primary emotion in our lives. Mike guided us through a few things:

1. His story around anger, grief, change and spirituality.
2. Light breath work and exercises to open up our hearts.
3. An exercise to move through emotion in a healthy way.

Without sharing all the details, let’s just say we got to test our karate skills on some wooden boards 😉

Here are some key takeaways from his session:

• Anger is a path to change and freedom.
• Anger is often a bodyguard to fear and shame.
• If you want to get good at life, get good at change. If you want to get good at change, get good at grief.

Dance

Next we experienced something creative and courageous by Jon and a special guest – his wife, Tatiana. They performed a dance together in front of the group. It was the perfect expression of flow.

Tatiana also sang a song she learned during a recent trip to Peru, which was lovely. Then she shared some of her own words around the power of dance and love in our homes. This really landed with me.

Here’s what I learned from Tatiana:

• Dance is a powerful tool for connection.
• Dance is also an expression of love.
• Our children watch how we dance and love each other.

I want to emphasize that last point around our children watching us. This is so important for parents. You are the primary model for your children, always. So be mindful of your actions and how they may be seen.

After the dance we broke for lunch and some good ole’ sweat time. Sweat time is our mid day break to exercise, play sports, or do some other activity that gets us into active movement.

I usually love playing some ball as part of sweat time, but I chose to have a long lunch and some rest this time around.

Repair

The afternoon session was led by my buddy, Jason Bronstad, another veteran member in the community. Jason is an exceptional father and leader. He’s also the CEO of MALK Organics, which I like to brag about in case you drink his company’s product 😉

Jason shared a heartfelt story around his relationship with his older brother. It was deeply moving and inspiring.

Here are my key takeaways from his session:

• Repair is something we do for ourselves, first, and then with others in relationship.
• Repair and forgiveness are two different things.
• No human being is beyond repair.

Band Dinner

Later that evening I had dinner with my band. These are 6 men I’ve grown close with over the years being in FRD. We know each other well. We share the highs, the lows, the wins, the losses… all of it. We’ve been blessed to experience the FIGHT and FLOW, together, for years.

We had a great meal with laughs and intimate convo around some of our recent joyful moments. One of my joyful moments was being in the Smoky Mountains with these guys earlier this year.

From left to right – Mike Wagner, Scott Groves, Matt Drinkhahn, Ryan Levesque, Nick Hemmert, Matt Sprang.

I love these guys.

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Day 3

The final day started with an activity I designed. I requested that the guys meet in the lobby at 6:30am with one rule – no phones. Sure enough, guys showed up on time with no phones, which warmed my heart.

Shortly after, I led them outside to group up and organize before taking them on a walk. Again, I had another [one] rule – no speaking. It was dark and we began walking in silence. I led with a flashlight.

After 10-15 minutes we arrived at our destination – a campfire 🔥

What happened at the fire is something I cannot share or fully explain – you simply had to be there. It was a sacred space and experience for the men who participated. It involved nature, spirit, fire and laughter (thanks, Dez!).

I can say this – I took the guys on this morning journey with 3 main intentions:

Adventure

I wanted to give them a mini adventure. Something new and different that involved a bit of uncertainty and trust.

Nature

I wanted to give them a new environment. Also something new and different that took them away from the modern conveniences and noise around the resort we were staying at.

Being

I wanted to honor my core #INTENTION for the retreat –

Think Less, Be More.

I think most of us get caught up in a lot of thinking in our daily lives, which often leads to more “doing” than “being.” Thinking and doing creates energy to stay busy. It keeps us in a constant state of stress and pressure, which most of us never realize.

I’ve come to realize the value of being.

• Being able to sit and reflect.
• Being able to pause and slow down.
• Being able to experience peace with no needs or desires.

I wanted to give the guys an opportunity to experience being.

And it was beautiful to see them be in nature, together, with the fire and majestic surroundings. This is a core part of what [Brotherhood] means to me, and what I intend to create more of when given the opportunity to lead.

After some time around the fire guys started to slowly walk back for breakfast before our next session.

Jeff Banman

The next 90 minutes were led by our honorary guest, Jeff Banman. Jeff is a father, entrepreneur, author, former CIA agent, podcast host, etc. You could say he fit right in! In fact, he honored us by participating in the retreat before leading his session, which was really cool.

I had the chance to interview Jeff with a few questions around his work that opened up some of his story, including his time working for the CIA. I’m always fascinated by people who work high pressure jobs that most of us are completely ignorant to.

Jeff gave us some new tools around our nervous system and how to regulate it. He also shared his “Safe Mechanism” model, which highlights the different safe zones we feel as fathers. This includes:

• Physical safety: safe in context
• Spiritual safety: safe in essence/being/identity
• Emotional safety: safe in expression
• Mental safety: safe in thought

You can learn more about Jeff’s work by reading his latest book – When It All Goes to Hell.

Some of my key takeaways from Jeff’s session:

1. I am the nervous system of my family.
2. Does my current energy match the conditions of my environment? (great question to ask)
3. When do I feel 100% safe? (another great question to ask)

After learning with Jeff it was time to break and have some fun.

Paintball

We decided to take the guys out to play paintball! This is something I haven’t done in almost 20 years… and some of the guys had never played, ever. It ended up being a great experience that allowed us to “fight and flow” in fun ways. We immersed ourselves in the running, hiding, strategizing and simulation of combat.

It also brought back some nostalgia for me. I have fond memories of my first paintball experience almost 30 years ago.

After paintball it was time for a nice afternoon nap before we wrapped up the event.

Closing Session

The final session was a mix of sharing collective wisdom and offering accountability. We formed small groups to distill our greatest learning and takeaways from the event.

We also had a group discussion about the future of FRD. There are some cool things on the horizon, which I’ll be sharing soon!

Finally, we gave props to each other and highlighted men who contributed to our experience in meaningful ways. We also awarded the MVP of the event – Mr. Michael Chu.

Mike’s session and story landed with most of the guys, so his MVP nomination was no surprise.

To that extent, I want to acknowledge the men that participated in this event.

40 Men

40 men showed up to this retreat with open minds and a willingness to become better. Better for their families, their communities, their businesses, and most importantly, better for themselves.

40 men leaned into the circle. They asked great questions. They held space for each other. They let their guards down with an intention to be curious and vulnerable. They felt all the feelings.

40 men left with open hearts. They’re heading home with a deeper sense of who they are as fathers, husbands, sons, brothers, creators, entrepreneurs, and overall leaders in the world.

40 men co-created something that will outlive them and make an impact in this world.

Impact

The impact of FRD is growing. We’re a brotherhood of men approaching 400 members in 4 continents. We’re committed to being family men with businesses, not businessmen with families. We live with purpose to embody our role as intentional fathers.

I can truly say that the impact of our brotherhood has changed my life.

As I type this, I’m still experiencing the after effects of the retreat.

My mind is clear.
My heart is full.
My soul is nourished.

Thank you, Front Row Dads. The impact is real.

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Curious about Front Row Dads?

I realize a post like this may spark curiosity for fathers new to FRD. If that’s you, I have a few ways to support your curiosity:

1. Podcast

Checkout the podcast. It’s one of the best free resources available for entrepreneurial fathers. I’ve been tuning in for 5 years now.

FRD Podcast

2. Brotherhood Experience

There is a new program available to jump on Zoom and get a quick taste of FRD. This is a great way to get a taste of the connection and depth that flows through the Brotherhood. You’ll be in company with two great members – Mike Abromowitz and Andrew Biggs.

Brotherhood Experience

3. FRD Live

This is the annual event open to all fathers, not just FRD members. I had the privilege of speaking last year and I will be there again this year. It’s an amazing event, led by Jon Vroman, that features other extraordinary fathers and leaders. FRD Live offers unique opportunities to learn, grow and connect with other awesome fathers.

FRD Live

**Use my coupon code ALIJ50 for 50% OFF

You are also welcome to contact me any time – I love fielding questions about FRD 🙂

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