Ali Jafarian
Ali Jafarian

Every leader, and person for that matter, decides how they show up in the world.  Some of us decide consciously while others decide unconsciously.

I’ve been coached under the Conscious Leadership Group for the last couple of years.  It’s created massive transformation in my life and I’m privileged to share some of my learnings.

A powerful conscious leadership construct is the 4 mindset types.  These help us self-categorize into a way of looking at our lives with more awareness.

Here’s an overview of the 4 major types –

**Note: these types come straight from The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership.  I want to make sure CLG gets credit here where credit is due 🙂

1) To Me = Victim

With this mindset you are the victim.  Everything happens to you and you react to things in context of being targeted.  You are looking for someone else to blame or complain to.  You believe life happens to you.

Some questions we ask ourselves in this mindset:

  • Why me?  Why did this happen to me?
  • Who’s fault is this?

This is a common mindset for most of us early in life when we’re not mindful or fully aware.

2) By Me = Creator

With this mindset you are the creator.  You are in control and accept that your decisions create results and consequences in your life.  You take on problems and own the role of solving them.  You make life happen.

Some questions we ask ourselves in this mindset:

  • What can I learn from this?
  • What do I want to create?

Many entrepreneurs and high-achievers start [and stay] in this mindset.  It’s a mindset that owns full responsibility for the life you create.

3) Through Me = Co-creator

With this mindset you are the co-creator.  You stay curious and let things flow without trying to control them.  You let life and problems work themselves out.  You cooperate with life happening.

Some questions we ask ourselves in this mindset:

  • What wants to happen through me?
  • Who can I help?

Many leaders and visionaries evolve into this mindset.  It occurs when you embrace letting go of control and empowering others.

4) As Me = Oneness

With this mindset you are one with everything.  You have elevated beyond seeing problems, solutions, right or wrong, etc.  You experience things as they are in pure peace and freedom.  You are life.

There are no more questions with this mindset – only knowingness.  There are also very few people who reach this state.

How are YOU showing up?

Now that you have some context of different mindsets let’s ask ourselves how we’re showing up in the world.  And let’s not bullshit – let’s really ask ourselves how we show up.

Here are some questions and scenarios I run through:

How am I showing up as a partner to my wife?
  • Do I complain about her shortcomings or imperfections? (To Me)
  • Do I try to change or control her? (By Me)
  • Or, do I let go and create space to experience life with her? (Through Me)

I was fortunate to change my perspective on my marriage several years ago.  I shifted from By Me to Through Me in seeing my wife for who she truly is, and supporting her to become the best version of herself.  This was liberating and has strengthened our marriage ever since.  That’s not to say we don’t still have problems and challenges to navigate.  However, I approach them from a completely different mindset.

How am I showing up as a father to my children?
  • Do I complain about how much time and energy they require? (To Me)
  • Do I force my teaching and belief systems up them?  You should do this, don’t do that, etc… (By Me)
  • Or, do I let go and create space to experience life with them? (Through Me)

I’m a big believer in learning more from my children than they learn from me.  Every day my kids inspire or teach me something about myself and the world I experience.  I’m also learning to let go of most things that I would have previously forced or dictated to them.

I will also say that most parents are in By Me mode.  This is not a criticism but rather an observation.  I still tend to show up that way from time to time as well.  There is no right or wrong way to parent, but I would encourage you to let go of some belief systems and traditions that you natively push onto your children.  I have experienced immense freedom in letting go and giving them more choice.

How am I showing up as a leader in my businesses?
  • Do I complain about things my team is doing or not doing? Do I blame them for outcomes that happen in the business? (To Me)
  • Do I micromanage every decision and/or control how things are done? (By Me)
  • Or, do I let go and create space for everyone to contribute at the highest level with healthy autonomy? (Through Me)

This one has been a challenge for me if I’m being honest with myself.  Delegation in business is not one of my strengths, so I’m continually improving on this front.  As I let go and empower others I see the impact that a great team can create together.  I still assume a leadership role, but this transforms into empowerment, not management.

Most great business leaders operate from Through Me.  They understand and realize that their role is to help co-create results.

Maintaining a Conscious Leadership Mindset

These are just a few examples that I’ve applied in my own life. The key takeaway here is awareness. In other words, being aware of the mindset you’re in. As you become more aware you can maintain a conscious decision to choose your mindset. Without awareness, we are not leading consciously.

How about you. Are you aware of how you lead in your life?


Ali Jafarian

Ali is the creator of this site. He is a father, husband, serial entrepreneur, software engineer and last but not least - a relentless life learner. He adds Siracha to 90% of the food he consumes.


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